Girl in the Bedouin Tent Page 17

  If he could stand being here with her, then she could do the same. He would not see her buckle under the weight of distress.

  By the time they’d finished Cassie’s knees were shaking so badly she had to grope for the wall beside her, surreptitiously propping herself up as she struggled to breathe normally through lungs cramped impossibly tight.

  If only they’d leave.

  At last they were moving. No, they’d paused. Through her haze of shock Cassie saw the principal’s surprised stare in her direction. Then, next thing she knew, the whole class was rising and filing out through the door. Furtive glances were shot her way, but they couldn’t pierce the bubble of disbelief that held her in stasis.

  Faruq bowed low and followed the rest, leaving only.

  Without conscious thought Cassie started forward. She couldn’t stay here with Amir. She just couldn’t!

  Each step was an achievement on legs turned suddenly to jelly. She’d almost made it to the door when a hand shot out as if to take her arm. She shied away, banging against the wall.

  ‘Cassie.’ His voice was hoarse and low, as if stretched. She felt it in every cell. ‘Don’t go.’

  How she’d longed to hear him say that weeks ago. Despite her outrage and hurt, she’d hoped against hope he’d stop her leaving, tell her he’d changed his mind and he wanted her as more than his mistress, that he wanted her—

  ‘No!’ She didn’t know if she was shouting at him or her own vulnerable self for harbouring such foolish thoughts.

  The door closed quietly, his hand spread wide to hold it shut.

  She didn’t have to meet his gaze to know she had no hope of leaving till Amir was ready for her to go.

  ‘How dare you keep me here against my will? How dare you show your face here? Haven’t you done enough?’ Her voice cracked on the last word and her lips wobbled. ‘Or are you here to send me away? Is that it?’ Valiantly she tried to whip up pride to counter the traitorous weakness that undermined her. ‘Is it too embarrassing having an ex-mistress in the country with your wedding so close?’

  ‘Of course not!’

  His voice was tight, as if with unspoken anger, but all she registered was that he wasn’t here to exile her. How stupid and self-destructive to feel relief.

  ‘Cassie—’

  ‘No.’ She spun away on a surge of energy. ‘I don’t want to hear it. There’s nothing to say.’ She folded shaking arms and straightened her spine, focusing on the distant view of the mountains.

  ‘You’re wrong.’ His voice came from just behind her. She felt the warmth of his big frame raying out to her chilled body. Part of her wanted to sink back against him and pretend, for a moment, that everything was as it had once been.

  Except it had never been as she’d imagined. What she’d thought a glorious adventure had been a tawdry affair.

  ‘There’s a lot to say,’ he murmured, his low voice insinuating itself into her blood, curling deep and powerful within her.

  ‘How is your fiancée?’ She couldn’t let herself weaken.

  ‘She’s not my—’

  ‘OK, then. Your soon-to-be fiancée?’ ‘She’s not that either.’

  His words hung in the silence. Her eyes widened. Had she heard right?

  Slowly she turned. He stood, shoulders squared and jaw tight, before her. His eyes wore that shuttered look she remembered so well. The one he’d worn whenever he didn’t want her to know what he was thinking.

  ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘The betrothal will not proceed. I will not take her as my wife.’

  Cassie blinked as the walls seemed to dip and sway around her.

  ‘Cassie!’ He reached out to her and she stumbled back, coming up against a desk and leaning heavily on it.

  ‘Are you telling the truth?’ But why would he lie? Cassie held no place in his world now.

  His lips thinned, but the expected flash of anger was absent. ‘There will be no lies between us again, even by omission.’ He lifted his hand to the back of his neck, then dropped it again in a gesture that made him look almost unsure of himself.

  Cassie didn’t believe that for an instant. What did he want?

  ‘What about your wedding? Even here people are talking about it.’

  ‘It’s cancelled.’ He held her eyes and heat shuddered through her.

  Cassie shook her head. ‘It can’t be. The way Musad spoke, it was public knowledge. You said it was expected you would marry. There were contracts being drawn up and—’

  ‘Nevertheless, it’s done.’ Amir lifted his shoulders in a dismissive gesture. ‘There will be restitution to her family, of course. A large restitution even though the betrothal wasn’t formalised. It’s over.’

  At first she couldn’t believe the stunning news, but there was no mistaking the grim honesty in his eyes. She felt queasy with shock.

  ‘But what about her? The woman you were to marry?’ Was she broken-hearted? Crazy to experience fellow feeling for a woman she’d never met, a woman she’d resented and envied.

  ‘It was an arranged marriage, Cassie, not a love match. Another husband will be found for her.’

  But not a king. Not Amir. What must she be feeling?

  ‘The news will break publicly today.’ He said it so calmly.

  ‘But won’t there be a scandal?’ Cassie rubbed a finger across her forehead, as if that would help her brain chug into gear. None of this made sense. ‘You said you wanted to avoid that at all costs.’ It had been one of the reasons he hadn’t wanted her. Because her past was too scandalous!

  ‘I’ll ride it out.’ His look told her he had other things on his mind.

  Cassie sagged lower onto the table, shaking her head.

  ‘Don’t you want to know why?’ He stepped closer, and Cassie had a sense of the room crowding in around her, yet she didn’t have the energy to move.

  Silently she nodded. Of course she did.

  ‘I couldn’t marry her. I couldn’t marry anyone, I discovered, simply for the sake of my country and because it was expected. Not even a stable, sensible partner of impeccable breeding and excellent reputation who fitted my plans exactly.’

  ‘I don’t understand. Why are you telling me this?’ Disjointed thoughts tumbled through her brain, yet Cassie couldn’t make sense of them.

  ‘I couldn’t marry her when it’s someone else I want.’

  His voice rang clear and strong, jerking her gaze up to his. He stood so close she could see the fire kindling in his dark eyes. It made her skin prickle and shrink over her bones. It made her feel.

  Finally his words sank in and she shot to her feet.

  ‘No, you can’t mean—’

  ‘I do, Cassandra.’ He spoke slowly and clearly, as one might recite a vow. The idea stirred silly, vulnerable longing in her. ‘I want you.’

  ‘Well, you can’t have me!’ When would this torture end? She’d taken herself to the other side of the country, hoping to find some sort of equilibrium, and here he was, tempting her with some devil’s bargain.

  ‘I won’t be your mistress!’

  ‘I don’t want you as my mistress.’ Another pace brought them toe to toe. ‘I want you as my wife.’

  For a second, then another and another, she stood gawking, processing his words. Then her hands slammed into his chest and she shoved with all her might.

  He didn’t budge. Desperate fury rose.

  ‘Don’t you dare play such games with me!’ Her voice was a hoarse rasp of agony.

  Large hands clamped on hers, pressing them against his chest. The rapid thud of his heart pounded beneath her palm like a runaway horse.

  ‘It’s no game.’ He drew in a mighty breath and her hands lifted with the movement of his torso. ‘You left and nothing was the same.’ His fingers tightened on hers. ‘The colour leached from my world when you went, Cassie. I hadn’t realised till then how much you mean to me.’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t want to hear this.’ It had to be some sort of
trick. She didn’t have the strength to pick herself up a second time.

  ‘Please hear me out.’

  Cassie’s eyes rounded at the desperation in his voice. She looked up into sober eyes that shone with … anxiety? Was it real or did she imagine it?

  ‘All those weeks together I told myself it was infatuation. That once lust was sated I’d move on, do my duty and marry a suitable wife. It was what I’d spent so long planning, after all. I was a coward—telling myself I acted to protect my country and my unborn children when really I hid from the possibility of true intimacy. Of caring.’

  His mouth twisted grimly.

  ‘I was thoughtless and self-absorbed. But what I felt didn’t pass. I was drawn deeper. That day I urged you not to go out with the class? Yes, I wanted to avoid publicity, but it wasn’t so much to protect the marriage arrangements but so I could keep you to myself for as long as possible. Because I couldn’t let you go.’

  Cassie’s mouth dropped open, not only at his words, but at the tension in his stance, the vehemence of his tone.

  ‘It wasn’t till you confronted me that I realised what that meant.’

  She licked her dry lips, watching emotions flicker across Amir’s face, unable to look away.

  He lifted one hand to cup her jaw, his fingers splayed over her cheek, and her eyelids fluttered at the thrill rioting through her dormant hormones.

  How could his touch awaken her? She should stop him, but for the life of her she couldn’t move.

  ‘I told you that day I cared for you, Cassie. The truth is I love you.’

  Her eyes blurred and heat slammed into her chest, crushing it tight as she fought to hold on to sanity. They were just words designed to tempt her. Yet she longed so much for them to be true. How could he be so cruel?

  She opened her mouth to speak but nothing emerged. In that instant his head dipped low. Cassie stiffened and tried to pull back, but he held her remorselessly, ignoring her gasp of distress as he took her lips.

  It was a gentle, tender caress so piercingly sweet she almost wept.

  ‘It’s not true,’ she whispered when he lifted his head. Yet he surveyed her steadily, his expression unlike any she’d read before. Determined yet uncertain.

  Inside her poor, bruised heart leapt.

  ‘On my life it’s true, Cassie. I was never more serious.’

  Long fingers cupped her jaw, then caressed her cheek. Was that her trembling or him? Her eyes widened. The sincerity in his voice sounded real, as if it was dredged from his very soul. Was anyone that good an actor?

  ‘I think I’ve loved you almost from the first,’ he confided. His hand slipped gently into her hair to massage her scalp, making whorls of pleasure spiral through her. ‘You were so strong, so determined, so beautiful. Your courage alone made me yearn to understand you.’

  ‘You didn’t want me for my courage.’ Cassie tried to pull her defences close, still not ready to believe his easy words. ‘You wanted my body.’

  ‘Of course I did. What man wouldn’t? You’re beautiful, sweet Cassie.’ His smile was bittersweet. ‘That was the trouble, I couldn’t see past that till the day you confronted me with what I’d done. I couldn’t see that this wasn’t simply lust. That it was much, much more.’

  Staring up into his eyes, Cassie wanted to believe him so badly. Already something melted inside at the urgency of his words and the yearning in his gaze.

  ‘Then I saw what I’d done to you.’ He clasped her tight. ‘Cassie, can you forgive me? I had no idea until that evening. I didn’t let myself think about it, though Faruq and Musad tried to persuade me to break with you.’

  ‘They did?’ She’d known Musad didn’t approve of her, but Faruq too?

  He nodded. ‘Musad fretted over the potential scandal, but Faruq feared what the situation would do to you. He saw what I was too blind to see. I was too wrapped up in my own selfish pleasure to listen.’

  Amir lifted her hands, pressing kisses on each.

  ‘It wasn’t love you felt. Just lust.’ Desperately she tried to shore up her defences against insidious temptation. She wanted Amir’s love so desperately.

  ‘It was more, Cassie. But I’ve had a lifetime believing love doesn’t exist because I’d never known it. Never seen it up close. I didn’t believe it could hit me like it has. I wanted you so badly I didn’t think past my needs. I wanted you happy and I let myself believe you were.’

  There was anguish in his eyes and Cassie’s heart lurched. A spark of warmth flared. ‘I was happy.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes.’ Stunned, she watched light blaze in the velvet blackness of his eyes. Could this possibly be real? ‘So you … care for me?’

  The uncertainty in his voice tore at her. The Amir she knew was always sure of himself. That, above all else, convinced her. She drew a shaky breath and the cramped tension in her chest eased.

  ‘Of course I care. How could you not realise that?’ Her voice was gruff.

  Slowly Amir smiled. The tightness around his mouth disappeared as he grinned down at her. The warmth of that grin wrapped around her like an embrace.

  ‘You do? Enough to forgive me?’

  ‘I …’ Cassie tried to be sensible, to remind herself of the pain he’d wrought. But suddenly being cautious didn’t seem sensible—not with Amir here, looking at her as if she was the most precious thing in his world. Not when her dreams were coming true.

  She swallowed hard, dredging her courage. ‘I love you, Amir. I—’

  The rest of her words were obliterated as his head swooped down and he took her lips in an open-mouthed kiss that tore the last shreds of thought from her. This was no tentative foray but a bold, demanding caress that heated her blood and made her shiver in delicious anticipation.

  Cassie kissed him back, holding his face in her hands and tugging him lower as she stood on tiptoe, pressing herself against him with the urgency of a woman who’d found her man against all odds.

  ‘It’s not real,’ she gasped when the kiss ended.

  Amir tucked her close, arms wrapped tight round her. ‘It’s real, sweetheart. Believe it.’ He drew a shuddering breath. ‘I couldn’t bear to lose you. I want you with me always.’

  He drew back enough that she could see his face.

  ‘Can you forgive me, Cassie?’

  She saw the shadow of fear in his eyes and her heart swelled, blanking out the last of her doubts. ‘Yes.’

  He smiled and it was like the sun emerging from behind clouds. His hold firmed. ‘Will you marry me, Cassie?’

  A world of hope and love lay in those words, yet she hesitated. ‘You didn’t want a wife who was notorious. You wanted someone with an unblemished reputation—’

  ‘When I lost you I got a short, sharp lesson in what really matters. No gossip could stop me making you mine. Besides, nothing you do could come close to the antics of my parents. They filled the tabloids for years. Yet I survived. Our children will be fine.’

  For a dizzying moment Cassie’s brain stuck on the notion of having children with Amir.

  ‘But there’ll be an awful fuss. The story of me being given to you will get out.’

  ‘And we’ll survive the headlines. Besides, when people come to know you it will be water under the bridge—especially when they see how devoted we are to each other.’

  It sounded like heaven.

  ‘But I’m a foreigner. I don’t speak the language.’ ‘You’re intelligent. You’ll learn. The fact you’ve already spent time teaching here will stand you in good stead.’

  ‘And what if it comes out who my mother was? How she lived?’ She forced the words out, old shame clogging her throat. ‘I can’t do that to you, Amir.’

  His hands tightened and his mouth turned grim. ‘You are not your mother, Cassie. Any more than I am my parents. I’m tired of worrying about public opinion. My people have accepted me and they’ll learn to love you too.’ He stroked his palms over her face, into her hair, and held her while he pre
ssed a gentle, loving kiss to her parted lips.

  The perfection of it brought tears to her eyes. Love welled in her heart for this man who understood her so well. The one man in the world for her.

  ‘The past is the past, sweetheart. I refuse to let it destroy what we’ve got. This is too precious. You’re too precious.’

  She gazed up into that beloved, familiar face, devoid now of any trace of arrogance. Instead Amir looked determined and endearingly vulnerable.

  A shadow flickered across his face. ‘You still haven’t answered me.’

  Cassie smiled, feeling the answer deep inside and knowing it was right. She let everything she felt show in her eyes. ‘I’ll be your wife, Amir. You’re the one man in the world for me.’

  Happiness and love blazed in Amir’s face. The sight stole Cassie’s breath.

  ‘I couldn’t ask for anything more.’ He raised her hand and pressed a fervent kiss to her palm. ‘Now, let’s go and break the news to the crowd outside. The sooner we announce our engagement, the sooner we can be together always.’

  EPILOGUE

  IN THE end Amir refused to wait long for the wedding. The betrothal celebrations were barely ended when the nuptials began.

  Secretly Cassie wondered if it was abstinence that motivated his desire for an early wedding. Instead of installing her in the harem on their return to the capital Amir had taken her to the house of his cousin, an academic whose claim to the throne had been bypassed when Amir had been made Sheikh.

  If Cassie had had worries about jealousy between the cousins, or not being welcomed, they were dispelled within minutes of arriving. Within an hour she and Amir were the centre of an impromptu party with Amir’s cousin, his wife, his wife’s sister and husband, and a gaggle of excited children.

  Cassie remembered what Amir had said about being isolated as a boy. But if Amir the loner felt any qualms about the lively family gathering they didn’t show.

  At the end of the afternoon she saw him holding the hands of a toddler while the little girl jumped up and down on his knees. The tender look in his eyes made Cassie’s heart melt, especially when he looked up and held her gaze.