Girl in the Bedouin Tent Page 16

  Amir frowned. ‘What does it matter? I’m a rich man. It pleases me to give you pretty things.’

  Her chin tilted up. ‘Like it pleases you to keep me as your mistress?’

  Cassie’s words sent a prickle of warning down his nape.

  ‘I wouldn’t use the word mistress.’ There’d been other women—plenty of them—he’d put in that category. But not Cassie. She was different. This wasn’t a mercenary arrangement.

  ‘What term would you use? Kept woman? Bit on the side?’ The words snapped like staccato bites eating into his skin.

  ‘Don’t talk like that! We’re lovers.’

  Slowly she shook her head. ‘No. Lovers share. Lovers are equals. But we’re not, are we? I thought we were. But it’s impossible.’

  ‘Why?’ He stepped closer still, driven by an urgency he didn’t comprehend. All these weeks they had been equals, sharing a gift so precious he’d never experienced anything like it. He’d told himself at first it was purely sex, but denial could only last so long. This was about far more than satisfying the libido.

  With Cassie he felt …

  ‘Because you’re getting married.’

  The words fell like blocks of ice into a surging sea.

  ‘Because you’ve made me into your prostitute, your private whore, buying my favours while you plan to marry another woman.’

  Horror froze Amir as he looked into her pale, set face and read the anguish in her eyes.

  ‘Now, stop right there! It wasn’t like that.’ How could she talk about herself in that way? His stomach churned in fierce denial.

  ‘No?’ One eyebrow arched in magnificent disbelief. ‘What was it like, then?’

  Amir’s hands clenched at his sides. He smarted from the insult she offered them both.

  ‘You know it wasn’t like that. I didn’t pay you. This—’ his gesture encompassed the secluded garden and her private suite ‘—has been about us alone, no one else. What has happened between us is genuine, Cassie. I … care for you.’ The words were out of his mouth without conscious decision, stunning him as he realised his feelings ran bone-deep.

  For a moment she stared up with a look in her eyes that told him she wavered.

  ‘Yet you conveniently forgot to mention you were going to marry soon. That our relationship was doomed before it started.’

  Amir frowned. ‘I never spoke to you of marriage. You can’t have expected—’

  Her bitter laugh cut him off. ‘No, I couldn’t have, could I? That would have been the act of a naïve fool, wouldn’t it?’

  Yet her voice betrayed pain as well as anger.

  How could she have imagined he’d marry her? She was passing through, a foreigner with no lasting interest in his country. How could he marry a bride who’d been given to him as a sex slave? Who, albeit through no fault of her own, would create almost as much scandal as his own mother had when those circumstances became known? Tarakhar needed an accomplished woman of good repute as its queen. A woman who would bring his carefully nurtured plans to life. He needed that.

  Cassie and he … it was lust, desire, hunger between them. And liking. Respect too. He cared for Cassie. But that wasn’t enough to build a successful royal marriage.

  ‘You lied, Amir.’ She almost spat the words and he stiffened. ‘You lied by omission. You owed it to me, and to your fiancée, to tell the truth about your marriage plans.’

  ‘She’s not my fiancée.’

  Cassie shook her head, fire dancing in her eyes.

  Despite her accusations and the roiling mix of emotions churning inside an urgent need consumed him—to reach out and pull her close, stop her mouth with his kisses, stroke the tender skin of her throat and lose himself in shared passion. His need for her weakened him.

  ‘Not yet. But the deal’s as good as done, isn’t it? Your staff know about it. How many others?’

  Amir shrugged, disliking the sense of being pushed onto the back foot.

  ‘My plans to marry don’t impact on what we have. I told you I intended to wed.’

  ‘So you did.’ Her voice was saccharine sweet as she folded her arms again. ‘But I thought you were talking about some day in the future. How was I to know you’d already picked a bride and made arrangements to marry her?’

  ‘It’s not relevant to us.’ Desperation stirred that he couldn’t make her understand. And that it mattered so much that she did.

  ‘No?’ She lunged forward and prodded him square in the chest with her index finger. ‘And what about when you’re married? Would it have been relevant then? Or would you have kept me on after the wedding? Does the idea of having both a wife and a concubine turn you on?’

  ‘Don’t be crude.’ How could she even think he’d treat her that way? Nausea curled in his belly at her words. But what was his excuse?

  She’d honed in on the one flaw in his plans. For weeks he’d told himself he’d end their liaison as soon as it began to pall. That there’d be plenty of time to break it off before the wedding. That this was one final fling before he settled down to domesticity. Yet there’d been no sign of it palling. No ennui, no predictability. Instead his need for Cassie grew stronger each day.

  Amir had refused to face the fact that one day soon he’d have to give her up. That this liaison which brought him such satisfaction had to end before he took his bride.

  ‘You call me crude when you install me as your mistress? When you pay me in jewels and fine clothes and think that will stop me caring about the fact you’re promised to someone else? When you decide I’m not good enough to meet your friends or to present in public? That I’m only good for—’

  ‘Enough!’ The roaring sound of his voice echoing through the portico shocked him. His pulse thrummed heavily, almost blotting out the sound of his laboured breathing. Fire scorched his chest and belly as he fought a turbulent tide of emotion. ‘There was no insult intended, Cassie.’

  She blinked, and for a moment he could have sworn he saw the glitter of tears on her lashes. The sight gutted him.

  ‘And when you warned me off going out with my class in public?’ Her voice was low now, and husky, as if her throat were tight like his. ‘Tell me that was solely for my benefit. Tell me you weren’t worried the publicity would interfere with your marriage arrangements.’

  Guilt engulfed Amir. She was right. He’d thought of himself, smoothing things over till the time came to put Cassie away from him.

  ‘Don’t bother answering that. I can see it in your eyes. You weren’t protecting me. You were protecting yourself.’ She huffed out a laugh that wrenched at his heart. ‘You know, I thought you different from the rest. A man of honour. A man I could respect. Naïve, wasn’t I?’

  The raw anguish in her husky voice pierced him and pain surged as if from a gaping wound. He reached out to her cheek. How had something so perfect gone so horribly wrong?

  ‘Habibti, I—’

  Cassie knocked his hand away and swung round to stare out over the darkening courtyard. But not before he’d seen tears well in her eyes. Razor-sharp talons tore at him. He’d never felt anything as intensely as this torture, watching her distress.

  ‘I’m not your beloved! I may have given you my innocence but I’m not a fool. Don’t insult me like one.’ Her innocence?

  Amir swayed with shock. She couldn’t be serious. No innocent would have blatantly seduced him the way she had, demanding he make her his. She’d been like flame in his hands, all hot energy and enthusiasm. She’d been no shrinking violet but had enjoyed sex with an honest delight that had shaken him to the core.

  A delight mixed with wonder, he now remembered. And moments of hesitation that he’d convinced himself he’d imagined.

  That smear of blood on the sheet! The stain that had been beneath their hips after he took her that first time. Amir recalled the ecstasy of that joining, how incredibly tight she’d felt as she gripped him and sent him over the edge.

  He stared, dumbfounded, and saw the fine tremors racking her
body.

  What had he done?

  ‘Cassie.’ His voice was unsteady. His vocal cords paralysed. ‘I didn’t want it to be like this. I just wanted you.’

  He’d thought about nothing else. For the first time he hadn’t planned ahead. He’d acted on instinct, grabbing greedily at this woman and not relinquishing her. Now she was paying for his selfishness. He’d never felt so helpless in his life.

  ‘But it is like this.’ She sounded drained, her voice empty. ‘I let you make me your mistress. I didn’t even realise I was turning into the very woman I’d vowed never to become.’

  Again that huff of laughter that sounded more like pain. Something twisted in his chest at her anguish.

  ‘How’s that for blind? That I of all people didn’t realise what I’d become till today. That while I hoped for something else, you’d turned me into the other woman.’

  ‘Of all people?’

  She swung round, and the sight of tears trickling unheeded down her pale cheeks hit him like a sledgehammer to the solar plexus. Even in the mountains when she’d feared for her life Cassie hadn’t cried.

  For the first time in his memory fear overwhelmed him.

  He wanted to hold her close, soothe her with gentle caresses. But the pain in her eyes, the memory of her accusations, stopped him.

  Her mouth twisted in an ugly grimace. ‘All my life I’ve fought for my self-respect. Don’t think I didn’t see the look in your eyes when I said I did whatever I could to make ends meet when acting jobs dried up. But I never sold myself!’

  Amir opened his mouth to assure her he hadn’t thought she had, but she was speaking again, her eyes glazed as if she looked inwards and didn’t see him.

  ‘I told myself I’d never be like her, and now I am, and it feels …’ She shuddered and wrapped her arms around herself.

  ‘Like whom, Cassie?’ He lifted his hand to her shoulder and then dropped it, helpless in the face of her distress.

  Huge bruised violet eyes lifted to his. ‘My mother. I didn’t tell you much about her, did I?’ Her chin tilted up gallantly even as she swallowed convulsively. Pride and shame and hurt flitted across her drawn features.

  ‘She was a rich man’s mistress. She was married to someone else when she got pregnant by my father. When her husband kicked her out because he discovered the affair she moved to Melbourne and lived as my father’s mistress for years. Living off his bounty and the crumbs of his attention. When he’d had enough of her she found herself another protector. Then another. One of them even decided that since he’d bought my mother he could have me too.’

  Amir rocked back on his heels. At his gasp of horror her lips tilted in a vague smile.

  ‘He didn’t succeed. After that I never went home for holidays. But watching my mother prostitute herself, seeing the woman she became, I vowed never to be like her. Till you, I avoided getting close to any man.’

  She shook her head, arms wrapped tight around her torso as if to hold in pain.

  ‘And look at me now!’

  Her pride, her distress, evoked a surge of emotions such as he’d never known.

  Amir could stand no more. He dragged her to him, his hold careful yet unbreakable, as if he held the most fragile substance in the world. Her fragility scared him. Within the circle of his embrace Cassie stood stiff and unyielding, yet her tears wet his shirt and her gasping breath was hot against his chest.

  Guilt carved a dark cavern in his soul. How had he thought himself honourable when his selfishness had wounded her so? What sort of man was he?

  Never had he felt such shame and regret. Her despair and self-loathing vibrated in each word, every stifled sob. Every tremor racking her body was a blow straight to his heart. How could he ever—?

  ‘Amir?’ The tears had stopped and her voice held barely a wobble.

  ‘Yes?’ He just prevented himself adding an endearment and his hand itched to stroke her, ease her torment.

  ‘I want to leave now. I never want to see you again.’

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  THREE weeks later Cassie looked out of the window of her rural classroom. Mountains rose in the distance. She tried not to think about that week she’d spent in Bhutran. Or about the man she’d met there. The man who’d stolen her heart when she wasn’t looking and shattered it.

  How could she love him still?

  It was ridiculous. Pathetic.

  After what he’d done to her he should mean less than nothing to her. After what she’d done to herself.

  Amir wasn’t solely to blame. Cassie had allowed herself to be swept on a tide of desire, enthralled by what he made her feel not just physically, but emotionally. For the first time Cassie had felt whole, content and joyously happy sharing her life with Amir.

  Was this how her mother had felt all those years ago? Could it have been love after all that had driven her to follow Cassie’s father and give up everything in the process?

  Once, the idea had seemed preposterous, knowing the calculating, self-absorbed woman her mother had become. But now Cassie knew how devastating love could be. How dangerously strong its pull.

  How could she still long for Amir’s touch? How could she miss the deep rumble of his voice, or the glitter in his eyes when he teased her over a game of chess? She even missed listening to him talk about plans for urban renewal!

  It scared her that, though she felt pain and shame at having allowed herself to become ‘the other woman’ in a relationship triangle, her main emotion was grief. Grief at the loss of Amir. She had to get a grip!

  Behind her came the sound of women’s voices, her students practising in pairs the simple conversation she’d taught them. She needed to forget these daydreams and stop feeling like a victim.

  Cassie moved to the nearest pair, nodding encouragement and automatically helping when the new English vocabulary eluded them.

  Classes kept her sane. They gave her purpose and even a measure of happiness, seeing the difference even she, with her minimal qualifications, could make to the lives of these women. She even got to use her dramatic skills sometimes, miming concepts to help the class understand and breaking down language barriers with laughter.

  She didn’t miss acting as she’d thought she might. She’d even begun to think of teaching English long-term. Not here in Tarakhar. That would be prodding an open wound, knowing she was so close to Amir and his carefully chosen perfect bride.

  Cassie moved between the groups, assisting when needed and praising the women who a couple of weeks ago had been too shy to speak English aloud.

  How far they’d come. Their determination to improve made her ashamed of how she kept dwelling on her time with Amir rather than the future.

  It didn’t matter that the future was a grey, foggy place she couldn’t see clearly or be enthusiastic about. She had to push herself.

  The door opened and she turned to see the principal enter, excitement bright in her eyes and quick gestures.

  ‘Ms Denison.’ The principal nodded to her. ‘Excuse the interruption. We have important guests, here on an impromptu visit. Such an honour!’ Already she was turning to the class and addressing them in their own language.

  Cassie watched as the women sat straighter, their chatter dying into a hush of expectant silence. Discreetly clothes were straightened and hair smoothed as they turned towards the door, their faces alight with excitement.

  In this rural area visitors were a source of endless interest. Look at the fuss her presence had caused, the sole foreigner for half a day’s travel.

  She turned, a polite smile on her face, then froze, appalled, as her blood congealed in her veins. The words of welcome dried on her lips as she took in the tall figure in white, his stern, proud face so frighteningly familiar.

  She hadn’t seen Amir in weeks, yet he visited her dreams every night. She discovered she’d forgotten nothing of his austere, masculine beauty.

  Just looking at him hurt as she remembered the profound joy they’d once shared
.

  A gasp penetrated the silence, drawing all eyes to her.

  ‘And this is our volunteer teacher, Ms Denison.’

  ‘Ms Denison.’ He bowed, his penetrating dark gaze unreadable as it flicked her from head to toe. Instantly her body heated to tingling awareness that even shock couldn’t douse. He looked so good, his features as magnetic as ever, though his mouth was grim and she noticed new lines bracketing his lips as if he’d given up smiling.

  ‘Your Highness.’ Her voice was husky. She was surprised to discover it worked. Her feet were rooted to the spot and her heart catapulted against her ribs as if trying to break free. A dull queasiness stirred and for one horrible moment she thought she’d be sick.

  She dragged her gaze from Amir’s and the unbearable tension snapped down a notch.

  ‘Faruq.’

  ‘Ms Denison. It’s a pleasure to see you.’ Faruq shook her hand and smiled as if genuinely glad to be here.

  But why were they here? Amir was a great one for meeting his people and monitoring local issues, but she knew his life was planned to the nth degree. No spur-of-the-moment visits for him.

  Unless … Could he be here to see her? Unbidden, the thought rose and refused to be banished. Excitement and anxiety filled her as she listened to the interchange between Amir and the suddenly shy group of women.

  Tension crawled through her, tightening every nerve.

  What could he want? What was there to say between them? Even here in the provinces she’d heard about the approaching betrothal celebrations and the wedding to come.

  Amir had let her walk away, never attempting to detain or persuade her. Her presence in the palace was a potential embarrassment, and it was obvious nothing was more important than his carefully arranged marriage to his suitable wife.

  The bottom dropped out of her stomach.

  She’d had weeks to get used to the idea of him with another woman and still it made fury scream in her blood and despair weight her soul.

  When would she get over him?

  Cassie clenched her hands and stood still, calling on every vestige of her theatrical training to project an image of polite interest.