Demanding His Desert Queen Page 16

  She nodded and he watched her swallow convulsively. She’d hidden her fear well but clearly she’d been worried.

  Karim smiled. ‘I have to thank you, Safiyah. Not every woman would have stood by me the way you have. And you’ve done more than that. I appreciate the way you’ve worked to help me, both in public and behind the scenes.’

  Her eyebrows lifted. Had she thought he hadn’t been aware of her networking on his behalf? His staff had informed him of much he hadn’t seen personally. It was one of the reasons he knew he could bridge the gap between himself and his wife.

  He moved closer, but then she spoke. ‘What choice did I have? You’re my husband. My son’s fate rests with you.’

  It wasn’t the words alone that stopped him. It was her tone—flat and bitter. As if she regretted being married to him. As if she had no personal interest in his fate.

  For a second, and he didn’t know why, he thought of his mother. Had she been bitter about marrying the man her family had approved for her? Had she wished from the beginning that she could escape?

  But Safiyah wasn’t like his mother, running away and leaving her children. Safiyah had done everything she could for Tarek—even accepting a marriage she didn’t want.

  Karim’s pulse dipped at the thought. Things would be better between them now. He’d make sure of it.

  He watched her wrap her arms around her slender waist, her mouth a flat line. Her body sent an unmistakable message of rejection, but he persisted.

  ‘I know I hurt you, Safiyah, and I’m sorry for it. But I also know there was more to your actions than necessity.’

  There had to be. Once he’d taken for granted that she cared for him. Lately, learning that she’d never betrayed him as he’d believed, Karim had found himself yearning again for that devotion. Strange to realise how empty his world had felt without it. He’d told himself during those years in exile that he’d been like a rudderless ship, because he’d been cut off from the life he knew. Now he realised it was this woman he’d missed—Safiyah he’d wanted as his anchor.

  Her arms tightened, pulling the fabric over luscious breasts. Karim felt a kick of masculine response in his belly.

  ‘What more could there be?’ Her eyes were dull with denial.

  Karim rocked back on his feet. He’d thought it would be simple. He’d apologised for hurting her and now, with this news, they could start afresh.

  But Safiyah wasn’t ready to move on. His chest clogged. Pain circled his ribs. She hadn’t forgiven him. The tenderness she’d once felt had drained away. She had just helped him because they were legally tied.

  He felt a fool. He’d imagined she’d worked tirelessly on his behalf, their behalf, because she cared about him—about them. Now it turned out there was nothing personal about what she’d done.

  Hurt vied with anger. And with a dawning sense of loss so vast it threatened to engulf him.

  ‘Safiyah. Don’t talk like that. You know you want—’

  ‘There’s nothing I want, Karim. Not now I know your position is secure and Tarek is safe.’ She hefted a deep breath. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’

  As if he were a servant to be dismissed!

  Karim’s jaw clenched, his body stiffening.

  And yet Safiyah’s body betrayed her. Karim saw her nipples peak against tight fabric, the out-of-control flutter of her pulse.

  A hint of musky feminine arousal tantalised his nostrils. His body quivered in response.

  She might be trying to hurry him out through the door, but still she wanted him. He lifted his hand to stroke one finger down her cheek. Her eyelids fluttered, then she jerked her face away, staring back with dislike.

  Yet she couldn’t disguise the glow of amber heat in her eyes—a sure sign, he’d learned, of sexual arousal.

  Heat punched his belly. Triumph surged. Safiyah might not want to want him, but in this at least they were still partners, each caught in the same tangle of desire.

  ‘Don’t lie, wife. You want me.’ A heartbeat pounded through him, a second, a third. Her expression gave the confirmation he needed. ‘And I’ll happily take what’s on offer.’

  Even if his soul craved far more.

  He wrapped his fingers around the back of her skull and stepped in close, lowering his mouth to hers with a slow deliberation that, since it gave her time to pull away, proved his point.

  She was his, and she wanted to be his, at least in this.

  * * *

  Wife, he’d snarled at her, reminding her that she was his possession. His words held no tenderness and anguish arced through her from where his fingers cradled her head down to the very soles of her feet.

  She longed for so much more—which was why she’d cut him off abruptly when he’d pressed her, almost as if he knew her secret weakness.

  When he’d thanked her for her help everything inside her had rebelled. She didn’t want Karim’s gratitude. She wanted so much more. She craved his love.

  Which illustrated how mismatched they were. She couldn’t afford to let him know how she felt. He already had too much power in this relationship. She had to stand strong against him.

  Except when his lips met hers shock jolted through her. His mouth wasn’t harshly impatient. It coaxed gently...a slow brush that tempted then moved on to her cheek, her throat, then back to linger and tease. Strong teeth nipped at her lower lip and fire shafted to her nipples then drove low into her body. Her knees trembled and she found herself grasping his upper arms.

  With a muffled sound of approval he wrapped those strong arms around her, enfolding her in searing heat. Hard muscle bound her, and despite her intention to resist Safiyah melted closer.

  A sob rose in her throat that she should be so weak. But the pleasure Karim offered was too much, even though she knew it was purely physical. This sense of rare connection was illusory, the product of wishful thinking.

  He deepened the kiss, drawing her up against him and delving into her mouth as if he couldn’t get enough of the taste of her. As if his need matched hers.

  This didn’t feel heartless. It felt like everything she craved. And, with a sigh that shuddered right to her heart, Safiyah gave herself up to him.

  When he swept her high in his arms she didn’t protest. Instead she leaned against his chest, her hand pressed to the place where his heart pounded like a jackhammer.

  When he laid her on the bed and stripped her, his eyes glittering like priceless gems from the royal treasury, Safiyah arched her body to help him peel off her clothes.

  When he came to her, naked, proud and virile, she closed her eyes rather than search for tenderness in his gaze. She could pretend for this short time that the brush of his hands across her bare flesh was loving.

  And when finally Karim stroked into her, deep and strong, and she shattered convulsively, she steadfastly refused to think or yearn or hope. She took the pleasure he gave and told herself it was enough.

  It had to be. For it was all he could give.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  SAFIYAH OPENED THE window and leaned out, inhaling the fresh morning air, trying to dispel her anxiety.

  She reminded herself of how much she had to be thankful for.

  Tarek was safe. Not only that, but after only a few months living with Karim he was thriving. The nervous little boy who had expected only brusque orders from Abbas was learning to relax under his adoptive father’s encouragement.

  Rana was well and happy, actually excited at the prospect of studying again.

  Meanwhile, Hassan Shakroun, the man she’d so feared, was on trial with a number of his associates for kidnap, bribing officials and conspiring to murder. Safiyah shuddered.

  It truly had been a lucky day when Karim had agreed to take the sheikhdom. Everything was working out so well.

  And yet...

  Her heart beat hig
h in her throat as she turned to look at the pregnancy test on the bathroom’s marble counter. She didn’t want to see the result.

  The chances of a baby were slim. She’d begun taking contraception as soon as she’d realised theirs wasn’t going to be a paper marriage. Yet since then Safiyah hadn’t had a normal period. She’d ascribed that to stress, upsetting her cycle. Until yesterday, when she’d folded her arms and noticed her breasts were tender.

  Safiyah bit her lip and breathed deep, chastising herself for her fear. Forcing herself closer, she picked up the stick and read the result.

  Pregnant.

  The indicator blurred before her eyes as her hand shook.

  She was having Karim’s child.

  Safiyah groped for the counter-top, grabbed it as she swayed.

  She shook her head. Why was she shocked? Hadn’t she known in her heart of hearts that there was a child? There’d been mornings where she hadn’t been able to face breakfast, and that underlying sense that something was different.

  She opened her eyes and stared into the mirror, taking in the too pale features of the woman peering back.

  The fact was she’d made herself pretend pregnancy wasn’t possible even though she knew no contraceptive was foolproof. Even though she and Karim had a highly charged sex-life. He spent every night with her, and she couldn’t remember a night when one or the other hadn’t instituted sex.

  Her mouth twisted grimly. At least she had the terminology right. It wasn’t making love as far as Karim was concerned. It was just sex. Convenient, explosive and satisfying. And she was so weak, so needy when it came to Karim, that far from repulsing him she was greedy for his touch.

  Her hand smoothed over her flat belly.

  There was nothing convenient about this child. Yet, despite the circumstances, she wanted this baby. Warmth spread through her as she contemplated this new, precious life. She’d do everything in her power to protect and nurture it. No doubt Karim, too, already so good with his adopted son, would love his own child to bits.

  Her fears weren’t for the baby, who would grow up cared for by both parents. Her concern was for herself.

  She sucked in a breath that was half a sob.

  Bringing another child into this world, even knowing it would be loved and cared for, revealed the stark contrast with her own situation. Unloved. Unwanted except as a convenience. As a means of propping up Karim’s claim to the throne and to breed him heirs.

  Pain sheared through her as the ugly truth hit her full force.

  She was pregnant again by a man who didn’t love her. Who’d never love her.

  Her place in his life was cemented fast—sex object, for as long as his passion lasted, royal hostess and brood mare.

  And what would she do about it? What could she do? Demand he love her?

  A bitter laugh escaped, scoring her throat as if with gravel shards. That would only reveal her feelings for him, when the one thing she had left was her pride. She intended to salvage that, at least.

  There was no question of her deserting him. She had Tarek to consider, and this new child. She had to stay for their sakes.

  She drew a slow, fortifying breath, feeling the accustomed weight of responsibility and duty cloak her shoulders. This time it seemed harder than ever to push those shoulders back and stand tall.

  It didn’t matter that she’d once had romantic dreams, or that she still yearned with all her secret inner self for Karim’s love. She had his respect and his gratitude. For the moment she had his passion too.

  Time to do what she’d had so much practice at doing—bundle up unwanted yearnings and bury them deep, in a dark recess where they’d no longer tease her.

  ‘Safiyah?’

  She spun round. Karim filled the doorway with his broad shoulders and loose-hipped stance. Instantly her insides plunged. The sight of him reinforced her fatal weakness.

  Who was she kidding? It wasn’t just duty that kept her in this marriage. She didn’t have the strength to walk away from the man she loved.

  ‘What is it?’ He crossed the room in a couple of strides, grabbing her hands in his. ‘You look pale as milk.’

  ‘I’m fine.’ Practice allowed her to stiffen her drooping spine. ‘What are you doing here?’

  He frowned down at her, clearly not convinced by her words. ‘I knew you’d planned to ride this morning and I rearranged a meeting so I could ride with you. But you didn’t show.’

  Bittersweet regret filled her. She’d have enjoyed riding with him. Enjoyed even more the fact that he’d changed his diary to make time for her.

  Because you’ll take any crumbs you can get from him and be grateful, won’t you?

  The snarky inner voice hit low and hard, making her press a hand to her churning belly.

  Karim looked down. ‘What’s that?’

  Safiyah fought the impulse to whip her hand behind her back. She’d barely had time to take in the test result herself. But what was the point? Karim had to know at some point.

  Silently she lifted her hand so he could read the result.

  * * *

  ‘Pregnant?’

  His voice was stretched out of all recognition.

  Pregnant!

  Karim’s head jerked back as emotion punched him. So much emotion. A jumble of feelings such as he’d never known. Pride. Excitement. Tenderness. Fear.

  ‘You’re having our child?’ His voice wasn’t his own.

  He’d wondered about the possibility, then set the idea aside. But now... Safiyah carried his flesh and blood inside her.

  Karim dragged in a rough breath, trying and failing to fill his lungs. He didn’t know how he felt about passing on genes from his unknown father to another generation. About creating a new life. Far better to concentrate on Safiyah.

  ‘Are you sick?’ His hold tightened on her wrists. She looked pale. No, not just pale. Drawn. ‘Come on. You need to sit down and rest.’

  His heart pounded at double speed as he watched her draw a slow breath. But instead of assenting she drew back, pulling out of his hold, putting her hands behind her as if afraid he’d touch her again.

  Karim’s stomach dropped. The way she stood there—shoulders back, eyes focussed on a point near his ear—returned him to the early days of their marriage. To a time when Safiyah had been unhappy.

  Karim had begun to hope they’d got past that. She’d seemed more content, more at ease with him since the crisis when his illegitimacy had been broadcast. Increasingly he’d basked in Safiyah’s gentle smiles, revelled in her ease with him—not just in bed, but at other times. He’d told himself the marriage was working.

  He was taking things slowly, not pushing, content to let her set the pace, knowing that after his earlier mistakes he needed to move cautiously in building their relationship. Even if he chafed for more.

  He didn’t expect miracles, and knew he had a lot to make up for, but surely he hadn’t been mistaken? He knew she enjoyed being with him. Surely her tenderness hadn’t been a lie.

  ‘Safiyah?’

  The sound of her name seemed to jerk her out of her thoughts and she turned away, preceding him silently from the bathroom. She didn’t stop in their bedroom but kept going to the sitting room, choosing an armchair rather than sitting on the comfortable sofa.

  Karim told himself not to read too much into that, even though he wanted to hold her close. He poured a glass of sparkling water and handed it to her, noting that her fingers felt cool to the touch.

  Shock?

  ‘You don’t seem happy about the news.’

  Whereas he, after that initial blast of surprise, felt a glow of satisfaction he had to work hard to contain. Safiyah...pregnant with their child. His whole body seemed to throb with a new vibrancy at the prospect. Even those lingering doubts about his ability to be a decent father were scattered in the
face of triumphant excitement.

  He watched her swallow a sip of water and then turn to put the glass down, her movements slow and deliberate as if she feared she’d drop it.

  He tried again. ‘I know we didn’t discuss another child, but—’

  ‘It’s all right, Karim.’

  Her eyes lifted to his and he was stunned to read the blankness there. A terrible nothingness that settled like a shroud over his excitement, instantly suffocating his burgeoning joy.

  ‘I know my duty. That’s why you married me, after all. I knew you’d want a child. I just hadn’t expected it so soon.’

  ‘Safiyah...?’ His flesh prickled at the eerie coolness of her voice. Where was the passionate woman he knew? The caring mother, the warm-hearted Queen, the seductive red-blooded wife? ‘Do you mean you don’t want our child?’

  Karim heard the unsteadiness in his voice and didn’t care. He felt as if an unseen fist had lodged in his gut. Hunkering before her, he took her hand.

  She blinked and shook her head. ‘Of course I want it.’ But she sounded choked, her voice husky as if she fought back tears. ‘I just...’

  Safiyah looked away.

  Karim had had enough of barriers and distance. He lifted his other hand to her chin, turning her to face him.

  ‘Tell me.’ His voice was soft but commanding.

  For a second her eyes glowed bright, then she looked down. ‘I just need time, Karim. Bringing a child into a marriage like ours...’ She shrugged and looked up again, her mouth twisting wryly. ‘Ignore me. It’s just pregnancy hormones.’

  ‘No.’ He leaned closer, into her space, sensing for the first time that they teetered on the brink of the indefinable problem that still lingered between them. ‘What were you going to say?’

  Safiyah’s lips thinned as if she was holding back the words by physical force, but eventually they slipped out. ‘It’s what women do in arranged marriages—breed heirs. It’s just that sometimes it feels...lacking.’

  Lacking! Karim sank back on his heels, his heart racing and a dreadful queasy sensation rolling through his gut. His hand tightened on hers, as if to reinforce their connection. His other hand cupped her cheek, his thumb brushing across her mouth till it lost its prim flatness and softened against the pad of his finger. He felt the warm humidity of her breath against his flesh and awareness rippled all the way up his arm to his shoulders and neck.